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Name of the Game (Calling All Freaks)
January & February suck. Everyone’s waxing philosophic and contemplating the meaning of life. Feeling sluggish, fat, and crappy. Levity is in order (as I have said before). So, c’mon… Now, some background: First: Imagine me in a movie, walking down the street in slow motion – the wind is blowing my hair into my eyes […]
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Who Has A Mullet Now, Beotch?
It was 6:00a.m. and I pretended to be asleep when I heard my 4-year-old sprinting toward my room. “Oopsy daisy!” said L at the top of her lungs in order to wake me up. “Oopsy daisy” is so far off from what she should have been exclaiming… it’s weak and poorly planned, not to mention misleading. […]
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Do Not Eat
I have a list of things I long to do but don’t, based solely on the warning labels that accompany the objects of my temptation. Thankfully, someone out there (in legal) has repeatedly saved me from myself and my complete disregard for common sense. When I read these warnings I automatically fill in the blank […]
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One Pink Shoe
As I read this book to my daughter last night I had to refrain from commenting on every single page and/or laughing. Pull up a chair and we’ll read it together. First, look at Barbie’s sister Stacey. She’s wearing a purple half-shirt and tight high-water pink pants, yet it appears Barbie is consulting her for […]
Don’t Tell My Husband
9 OctI would never hide purchases from my husband. I mean, please! How disturbingly white bread and soccer mom* cliché would that make me? Gross.
I am so far evolved and above that level of energy-wasting, depressingly “American” kind of behaviour (see?) that I practically float above my peers in my superiority.
Why not just tell him?
“Look honey! While you were out slaving away all day [relax, feministas], I bought these chic chic CHIC plain white fingertip towels for the guest bath.
Now, enjoy them from afar for the next three weeks or so before I impulsively change the entire décor.”
Try it. Empower yourself today!
P.S. I didn’t really say any of those things… but you totally should.
*Never refer to yourself (or worse, to me) as a “soccer mom”. I read somewhere recently of a woman saying she was proud to be a soccer mom. She’s lying. She. Is. Lying. Maybe to herself, but by God, not to me.
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