Archive | November, 2010

It’s Fine When YOU Say It, Though

24 Nov

Among other things I’d rather not be called, “bestie” is at the top of the list. Perhaps you’re thinking, “Why ever not?! It’s supposed to be a compliment to the receiver!” I am aware of this, and maybe for the under twenty crowd it works. At my age, though (38), there is something desperate about it… it implies a neediness, particularly because it usually accompanies a facebook post with a picture of women out at a bar :

“Look at me! I’m down with the cool kids – here are some of my hot besties to prove it.”

It makes me uncomfortable – not the photograph of the women, but the cleavage-enhancing, wrinkle-reducing, double-chin-camouflaging angle from which it is taken. And then “bestie” on top of it pushes me into the beginning stages of depression.

Urban Dictionary defines besties as:

Friends who have each other’s backs, look out for each other, spend lots of time together, and are just really good friends. They have inside jokes together, they go to the park and swing on swing sets, get ice cream, go to the beach, go to concerts, go bowling, and basically any activity that they like doing together as friends.

So unless you’re still swinging on swing sets with me or referring to our activities as something we do “together as friends”, let’s just skip the bestie.

These women, by the way, are NOT besties. Just great friends.

Surely You Jest

22 Nov
NYC signing September 1,2009 Nintendo Store - NYC

Image via Wikipedia

Did someone just say Justin Bieber won Favorite Male Pop/Rock Artist, Favorite Pop/Rock Album, Breakthrough Artist of the Year, and ARTIST OF THE YEAR?

Is (s)he officially a male? I’m not convinced. And you will never convince me that he is the Artist of the Year. I don’t even have to explain myself, which makes it that much more shameful that the AMA’s tried to get away with this.

Next year I’ll be artist of the year because I have a synthesizer and I can put words together in a pattern that sometimes rhymes. I’ll sing about love – how it’s great, how it sucks, and how I plan to hook up with all the hot dudes.

Here’s some real news, though:

My 4-year-old just told me something I did not know about “Justin Beaver”… “He got bad drugs and said cuss words so he’s in jail.”

Seriously? Huh. That would be a much more delightful headline to have stumbled across this morning…

Bieber Got Bad Drugs AND He CussedAre the nation’s youth cussing and getting away with it? F*%k No.

 


She Just Feels A Lot Better

21 Nov

I am fortunate to have somehow made my way backstage at a couple of concerts – but it’s definitely not what you think (unless you think I sleep with the band, then, yeah, I guess it’s what you think).

A friend and I went backstage at a Counting Crows concert a hundred years ago – after which this song was written. I’m pretty sure Adam Duritz wrote it about yours truly.

What?

There aren’t that many Amy’s out there. I’m certain I’m the only one he ever met. Also that he remembers me and my name. He’s probably looking for me still. Don’t google it, please.

All I really know is I wanna know and all I really know is I don’t wanna know and all I really know…

Click the picture to listen on YouTube:

We Both Know Why You’re Here

19 Nov

And it’s certainly not for shopping tips. Regardless, I can’t help but share a few shops on Etsy that I love.

$25 can get you a long way with many of these stores, plus you’ll be supporting independent artists who do AMAZING things with their very own hands (most will do custom orders as well).

Hip hip.

Select any photo to visit the seller’s shop.


I want this ring. E-mail me for my shipping address.

 

Cool little boy shirt…

 

Tons of custom lamp shades here. In fact, I may not be able to stop sharing “shops”. I gravitate toward the jewelry, but I’ve found much more over the past couple years…

 

 

A Sad Tail

19 Nov

When I was in 2nd grade I learned about homophones – words that are pronounced the same but have different meanings (bear and bare).

I didn’t know what homophone meant yet (and frankly won’t remember what it means by this time tomorrow) but I did know the correct pronunciation of most three-letter words, including tin, ten, and tan. In my mind these were clearly not homophones; sadly, I was about to be taught differently.

“These words are pronounced the same, but each has a different meaning,” said Mrs. L. She read them aloud as she wrote them on the chalkboard… “Tin [tin], tin [ten], and tin [tan].”

“Blah blah blah,” was all I heard after that. I was offended by her ineptitude. Concerned, even. What in the hell was she talking about?

I told my parents about it but I don’t recall them being terribly worried… maybe they assumed I would not be so easily swayed. I never pronounced them words tan and ten like tin, though, so I guess they was rite.

Today my 7-year-old daughter is in 2nd grade and recently misspelled the word “whisk” on her spelling test.

Please see the correction made by her teacher.

I spanked ’em both.

The Point Is Probably Moot

18 Nov

“…cause she’s watchin’ him with those eyes and she’s lovin’ him with that body, I just know it…”

I go back and forth. Pride. Shame. Pride. Shame.

My young children know all the words to Jessie’s Girl (as do you, so careful with your judgements). I enjoy the occasional Rick Springfield ditty, so what?

I’m trying to pick out which uncensored Notorious B.I.G. song to teach them next, just to keep them well rounded. Suggestions welcome.

Now, for your enjoyment, a link to the hilariously awful video…

I’m Lyin’ In My Bed

16 Nov

He was about to become a pro skateboarder when he broke his leg.

Music went from a passionate hobby to a full-time gig.

Lucky us. And lucky me a couple days ago when he hopped off the stage to dance with us simple folk.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.Matt Costa…

Favorite, but a bit sad, this one:

Lullaby – one of my favorite songs…

One Pink Shoe

15 Nov

As I read this book to my daughter last night I had to refrain from commenting on every single page and/or laughing. Pull up a chair and we’ll read it together.

First, look at Barbie’s sister Stacey. She’s wearing a purple half-shirt and tight high-water pink pants, yet it appears Barbie is consulting her for fashion advice. This, as evidenced on the next page, will prove to be a foolish decision.

 

 

 

 

 

“My cinderella costume or my purple denim vest?” asks Barbie.

“No, Barbie! Wear the lemon-lime suit. It’s perfect,” says Stacey, whose crush on Ken has led her to an attempt at sabotage.

Note the rascally pup under the bed… he’s up to no good, I’m sure of it.

 



The pink mock turtleneck ties in with the hat box she’s holding. Gorgeous pumps.

The pink mustang convertible appears to be the size of a clown car, but I’m sure if anyone can manage to squeeze into one it’s Barbie.

 

 

 

 

First, I’ll answer your question about Ken’s pants: I have no idea where you can find a pair. They are straight up FAB.

He and Barbie clearly planned to wear turtlenecks. I bet she didn’t know he’d short-sleeve it, though.

Now let’s take a moment to acknowledge the absurdity of the political correctness in this picture.

Stupid.

 

 

I just cannot get over those pants.

And Ken’s little hair helmet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barbie must not be hungry, she hasn’t eaten a bite! Hmmmm…

What a swell afternoon date at the disco it was!

 

 

 

 

 

 

A hearty handshake and she’ll be on her way.

Surely this is the end of this riveting tale…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Lord there’s more.

Barbie is buying Stacey her first bra, along with a couple of swimsuits. This will prove to be fortuitous momentarily.

 

 

 

 

Here comes Kevin, followed closely by a strange character in an orange shirt. (getting a close-up view of that person is definitely worth the trouble of clicking on the picture.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The girls get to show off their new swimsuits, in addition to the fact that they have no belly buttons.

Who’s the bitch sitting on the side of the pool? She was NOT invited.

 

 

 

 

Wait. A. Minute.

Barbie is going to cheat on Ken, isn’t she?

What a slut.

(sharp intake of breath) Look at that crazy dog! Again with the shoes…

 

 

 

“That damn dog has my shoe,” said Barbie. “I’m calling the police!”

I just realized something… I owe Barbie an apology. This picture clears some things up. Kevin and Dan are actually a couple.

Oops. Sorry, Barb!

 

 

 

“Why fellas… there’s all my missing shoes!”

Did Barbie ever stop to think that this might be Spot’s way of asking for a little attention? Doubtful.

Look at Dan… any second he’ll shake his head and say something about Mentos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a long, boring, convoluted story about a missing shoe.

The End.

Silent Killer

14 Nov

I love The Onion. Obviously.

Just a few of their Weekender covers for your enjoyment…

It’s a Freckle, Fool

14 Nov

“I have a nipple on my arm,” said my 4-year-old.

“Well, that is unfortunate. You should probably have that looked at”* said I. “No not by me! Get away from me… that’s disgusting.”

She’s said it in public to her sister, too, as in “You have a nipple on your cheek, sister.”

It’s really quite embarrassing. Not the word nipple so much, as the having one on her cheek.

*As much as it kills me to end a sentence with a preposition, I often do. I just want to.


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