A Fool and Her Money

11 Nov

“Why do you have so much makeup?!!” you might blurt out if you have Tourrette’s and access to my makeup drawer. I wouldn’t answer because in this scenario I wouldn’t be there… just you, creepily pawing through my makeup and “products”.

I like (and by like I mean capital LUST after) “product”. “Product” is industry-speak* for the age-defying bullshit I am forever suckered into buying. The part of my psyche that is in denial when it comes to gravity and the passage of time completely takes over and behaves, at best, like a drunken housewife from Orange County.

The worst part? I get that crap home and don’t use it because it was so expensive. Too expensive to actually use.

Well, maybe that’s not the worst part.

The worst part is that I don’t believe it does a mother-friggin’ thing. What am I, an idiot? No one would ever know if it really worked anyway.

Do you use it consistently for six weeks?

In a row?

Liar. No one does that.

* fabricated

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